Use Your Noodle

I have to tell you, I really like this blogging thing. Being a part of the “blogosphere”, sharing my opinions, wisdom and wit with the global audience is quite satisfying. I figure that this is as good an outlet as any while I’m waiting for the Food Network to realize my talent and get me to replace “The Human Q-Tip”, and while the James Beard Foundation puts the finishing touches on my award (gentlemen, it’s pronounced like British arugula but spelled “Rauket”).

Before I launch into another ill-advised “introduction” and eventually ramble on so long that I have to delay the actual content of my post until next week, causing great despair among my vast following, yearning to feel the joy of sharing my knowledge, I’ll jump right into the meat of this week’s topic: Types of Pasta.

But before we discuss the types of pasta, which are like minor hockey teams for Italy (every town’s got at least one), we should talk about how to buy quality pasta, since really, what’s the point of having the perfect sauce and pasta combination if the pasta tastes and feels like extruded 10-year-old Playdough? Quality pasta is fairly easy to recognize. Look for packages in the 1lb (450g) range (bulk bags, in general, are of lower quality). Generally, the higher-qualify pastas are more expensive, somewhere around $2.50 a pound. The pasta should have a matte finish and have a rough surface texture. It’ll look similar to the backside of a leather belt - the same kind of scaly look. This texture indicates that the pasta was extruded through a bronze die. This type of die was common until it was discovered that stainless steel dies lasted longer. The rough texture of the semolina-based pasta dough would wear the softer bronze extrusion dies much faster. However, the harder stainless steel dies result in pasta with a smoother (and more shiny) finish. It was subsequently discovered that this smooth finish didn’t hold onto sauce as well as the rough finish created by bronze. Most premium pasta manufactures have gone back to bronze dies; the rough finish will not only hold sauce better, it typically indicates a higher-quality product in general. Some brands I enjoy are La Molisana (available at Moncion) and PC’S Memories Of.

While trying to categorize and simplify while at the same time not over-simplify, there are five general types of pasta: Long Pasta, Short Pasta, Minute Pasta and Pasta al Forno (al forno means from the oven) pasta. Long Pasta includes the familiar spaghetti and fettuccine as well as the lesser known ziti (long straight tube) and tagliatelle and pappardelle (long flat egg pasta (pasta all’uovo), wider than fettuccine and usually sold in little “nests”). Short pasta includes cut tubes such as penne rigata and rigatoni (short tube, larger in diameter than ziti), swirls such as fusilli (little spindles) and casarecce (twisted long s-shape) and shapes such as orecchiette (ear-shaped) and farfalle (butteflies). Minute pasta are rice sized or slightly bigger and include orzo (rice-shaped) and, technically, alphabets. Pasta al Forno are generally specialized for certain dishes, usually filled, baked pastas. This category includes lasagna, cannelloni (extra-large diameter tube) and conchiglia (big shells).

There are some other noodles (there is a difference, noodles are unleavened dough cooked in boiling water whereas pasta is a special type of noodle made from flour, water and/or eggs) such as gnocchi (small soft noodle, gnocchi means “lumps”) and couscous (tiny spheres of semolina, typical in Northern Africa) which sometimes get lumped in to the above categories, but for the present discussion, I feel it best to leave them separate.

Before I go onto pasta-sauce pairings, I though a brief word about whole-wheat pastas would be in “good” taste. Let me preface this by saying that I don’t like whole-wheat pasta. I don’t like the taste, I don’t like the texture and I don’t like the premise. If the only argument for eating it is that it is healthier than the white-flour stuff, than I’ll take the white-stuff and cut back my beer consumption by a bottle per week. Whole-wheat pasta tastes like cardboard and has a texture that would be more suited to mud pies. In addition to all that, it takes longer to cook. All that being said, some “important influences” in my life “recommend” whole-wheat pasta, and so on occasion I do prepare it. I tolerate the PC Blue Menu short pastas as the best of a bad lot.

Pasta-sauce parings are easy when you simply consider what is the main goal: eating pasta with sauce. This implies that the pasta will be coated in sauce, and that the pasta will be an effective vehicle to get sauce to mouth, as well as a tasty accompaniment. This disallows puddles of sauce being left at the bottom of the bowl. With this in mind, the following rules/pairing come naturally to mind. Long Pasta, due to their lack of grip-enhancing contours, lend themselves best to smooth sauces such as oil-based sauces and cream sauces (hence the infamous fettuccine alfredo or aglio e olio (spaghetti with olive oil)). Short pasta tends to grip sauces better, and hence are better suited to heavy sauces and chunky sauces (like ragu). Less rugged pastas such as penne rigata are best suited to heavy but smooth sauces whereas pastas likes farfalle (a personal favourite) are better for chunky and heavy sauces. Minute pasta is usually used in soup. Their small size doesn’t pair well with sauce. Lastly, pasta al forno are, as I alluded to before, best for their designed dishes, lasagna for lasagne etc.

That's all you really need to know to start wading your way through the pasta sea. Of course, there are many small variations on the classic pastas, but this is as good a start as any. Since this post is getting a little long (surprise, surprise), the recipes will have to be left to a later post. I’m hoping to include recipes as wid-week updates, when appropriate based on the Monday post.

Till next week - Don’t eat bad food.